We all know that women, through the ages, were raised to think that we should put ourselves last. Women over 70 and perhaps younger have the feeling that if they put themselves first in taking care of their health, finances, emotions, etc. they’re selfish. As a result, women suffer through their years taking care of everyone but them.
What is a selfish person?
1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. 2: arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others a selfish act. Merriam-Webster Dictionary
According to the above definition, I’m not talking about being selfish, I’m talking about loving yourself and taking care of yourself first.
I’ve spoken to a lot of people who, as a caregiver are forever making excuses if they remotely appear to be doing something for themselves or lightening their load by having someone else do what they think they should be doing.
I also know from talking to various individuals that it’s not always what they want to do. In other words, the sacrifices aren’t because they want to do it but because of either guilt or caring what others may think or both.
I know someone who is forever doing for others and not taking care of herself. Her thoughts are filled with what others think of her. She’s in constant emotional pain, resentment, and even anger. Why? She told me once that doing this would get her into Heaven. And she has a high need for others to think better of her.
But while here on Earth, she was full of anger and lacked any kind of joy in her life to the point of almost having a nervous breakdown.
Being raised as an only child by my Father I wasn’t raised to be “selfless”. Matter of fact I could be considered selfish.
I was raised a spoiled brat who never cared what anyone thought of me as long as I wasn’t doing something to deliberately hurt them. Not that I recommend this attitude, but having grown up with a better understanding of how being “selfless” can cause a lot of sorrow and emotional pain for women, I think we should be more “selfish”.
We should think of ourselves first because it’s hard to care for others if we’re harboring resentment, anger, depression, and all those other things that take away our joy.
And how can you love someone else when you can’t or don’t love yourself first? It’s hard to have a joyful life if we’re experiencing constant guilt over our actions.
If something is causing you to feel guilt, anger, depression, sorrow, or negative; ask yourself why?
Of course, you may be unable to be truthful to yourself because the truth might cause more guilt feelings.
I’ve done a lot of selfish things in my life that I’m not proud of but I don’t regret being “selfish” when it comes to doing for myself and putting myself first.
It has kept joy in my life, prevented me from harboring negative attitudes and I think has kept me as healthy as I am.
And I really don’t care what others think of me. I’ve found that people don’t like you for many reasons. They don’t like the way you walk, look, talk, eat, and on and on.
When I was a young kid, elementary school age, I was reading passages from the Bible in Sunday school. My mother taught me to speak very well. I would get teased by the other kids because I spoke too “proper”. So what did I do? I tried to speak like them.
As long as I know I’ve not done anything bad to you if you don’t like me, fine. I like me enough for both of us. 🙂
Back during the day when I had my radio program, I’d always sign off with “Be good to yourself, you’re the best friend you’ll ever have!
Anyway, it’s Jazzy’s opinion.