I’m Called a Bitch (by some)

And I’m not talking beer :).

The term “bitch” has been used to refer to a female dog since about 1000 AD, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, and began to be used as a pejorative term for women around the 15th Century. The 1811 edition of the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue by Francis Grose said it was “a most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman”.

The OED defines its modern meaning as “a malicious or treacherous woman” or “something outstandingly difficult or unpleasant”.

But other dictionary definitions say its premier use is no longer as a term of abuse.

“It has gone through this whole history of the way words change,” says Connie Eble, an English professor at the University of North Carolina who has documented the language of college students for some 40 years.

But in the years that followed it became “very normalized to hear it as a synonym for a woman”, she says. “People started to use it as a term of endearment or as emphasis.”

The word ‘bitch’ can be one of the most offensive terms used to describe a woman. But that derogatory term can almost be taken as a compliment – if you understand why it’s being uttered.

The core meaning of the word has not changed, she says. “It’s still the most common way to describe a woman who’s doing something that people do not like.” And considering its long and complicated history, the “bitch” in the room is unlikely to go away any time soon.

You will know how it’s meant by who is making the calling!

If it’s a man calling you this, it could be that they’re threatened by you. By calling you this, they’ve done you the favor of letting you know they feel threatened by you, and tipping you off to be wary in your dealings with them. Think Hillary Clinton.

If it’s a woman calling you this, it could be for several reasons. Jealousy, envy or they just don’t like you for whatever reason. Or it could be a term of endearment (in today’s culture).

If you are a career woman who is decisive, firm, and confident, (qualities that were seen in a negative light in women) you are called a bitch quite often.

However, having these qualities is nothing to be ashamed of. It is quite the opposite. Being decisive, firm, and confident simply means you know where you are headed, are making tough decisions, and aren’t intimidated by people.

While it’s usually meant as an insult, it’s often also a sign that you’re performing well, getting ahead, and thus perhaps making a few people jealous. It could nearly be considered a compliment – a sign you’re on the right track in whatever you’re doing.

Given all its negative connotations, it is not surprising that women fear being called a bitch. However, it is something that we should embrace. Why?

The US feminist magazine BITCH explains it like this on its website: “When it’s being used as an insult, bitch is an epithet hurled at women who speak their minds, who have opinions and do not shy away from expressing them and who do not sit by and smile uncomfortably if they are bothered or offended. If being an outspoken woman means being a bitch, we will take that as a compliment, thanks.”

The website Heartless Bitches International agrees, announcing on its homepage that Bitch means Being In Total Control Honey. It is a sign of strength in a woman and of honesty.

Bette Davis once said: “When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man; when a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.”

Many of us are still so constrained by conventional stereotypes of how women should be – selfless, kind, enabling of others, calm, and supportive – We take insults on the chin and say nothing. We find it hard to compete or ask for that pay raise because we are not sure we deserve it. We are not supposed to shout or get angry about all the inequities we face as women.

We become the bitch, the bad girl, when we want more, when we are not prepared to make do with what we have, and when being heard is more important than being liked. That is a liberating feeling. If we fear being labeled as a bitch, we still seek validation from men on their terms rather than ours.

Definition of B.I.T.C.H.: Being In Total Charge of Herself

Take Mae West, for instance, who wrote most of her material, as well as being a sex symbol. In her list of 15 “Things I’ll Never Do” (which includes cook, bake, sew or take another woman’s man), number seven says it all – “Play mother parts, sad parts, dumb parts or a virtuous wife, betrayed or otherwise. I pity weak women, good or bad, but I can’t like them. A woman should be strong either in her goodness or badness.”

As Madonna once said, “I’m tough, ambitious and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, OK.” Real women are loud, brave, outspoken, astute, and funny, as well as kind, loving, and supportive. So let her out girls, for “life’s a bitch and then you die”. You might as well get what you want from it while you can.  The Big Fat Bitch Book by Kate Figes

The above definition “Being In Total Charge of Herself” I took from the Two Old Bitches Podcast and it describes me to perfection.  

Therefore, I own my inner bitch.