Mental Health Communication

I swallowed a bunch of pills in an attempt to commit suicide when I was in my late 20s. Fortunately for me, I eventually woke up. I woke up to one angry girlfriend.

After taking the pills just before going to sleep one late night, I called a friend to say goodbye. I didn’t answer when she called back and when she could not get an answer, after several calls, she rushed to my apartment (this was early morning) and couldn’t get in. So, she and another friend broke the door open. They tried to wake me up and I eventually did.

She was so pissed off she cursed me out and left. That is funny now.

As one who lived with anxiety and depression for most of my younger life; and as a clinical social worker/writer who has worked in the areas of personal development for women; I’d like to offer some tips on what not to say to someone who is depressed or down.

I see so much on social media about positive thinking, and this is good, but I think sometimes it can be carried perhaps a little far.

Information on how one should grow emotionally is great. However, we should also understand that there are some situations where more than positive thinking is needed because there are degrees of depression and emotional well-being.

For example, for the past 30 years or so I have lived a life of peace, serenity, and joy to a fault. I don’t know anyone any more positive than I am but I’m also a realist.

There are times when I’m down, depressed, in a funk. It can last a few days. During this time, I permit myself to feel as bad as I can and to wallow in self-pity or whatever. And I dare anyone to tell me to “think positive” :).

But my emotional well-being and my thinking are such that I know that this will be over soon.

However, some depression and or anxieties are more than mild and the emotional well-being is fragile. Friends and family think they are doing good by telling the person what they should or should not be doing such as “Why don’t you get a hobby?”, “Get out more”. etc.

Depression and the Elderly, Care Givers, Women

• 7 million adults aged 65 years and older are affected by depression. (Centers for Disease Control, 2009)
• More than 1 in 6 Americans working full-time or part-time report assisting with the care of an elderly or disabled family member, relative, or friend. A survey of these adult caregivers found that 40% to 70% of them have clinically significant symptoms of depression. (Family Caregiver Alliance, 2006, 2011)
• Women are almost twice as likely as men to have had depression. (Centers for Disease Control “Prevalence of Depression Among Adults 20 and Over: United States, 2013-2016”, 2017)

These statistics were taken pre covid and all of the overt hatred that we see today. I don’t know but I would think the stats are far greater today.

A Few Tips on What NOT To Say–

1. “It’s all in your mind...think positive”
2. “I know how you feel”-no one can know how someone is feeling
3. “As much as you have going for you“-oftentimes people hide depression, showing you only their best side
4. “As pretty as you are”-looks have nothing to do with it
5. “It’s not that bad”-this makes light of one’s feelings/situation
6. “You need to get out more, get some exercise”-this might help but it does not get rid of real depression

Often the best thing is to simply be a support system. Ask if they would like to talk, anything they would like to share. If so, simply be an active listener. If not just let them know you are available when/if they are ready.

If you are ever in this situation and want to know more about how to be an “active listener” just do what you usually do, google it. Don’t judge. Don’t talk about yourself. Don’t be afraid of silence.

And if they have threatened or attempted suicide, and happen to survive, don’t curse them out as my friend did me. But that was over 50 years ago and back then we didn’t know any better.

Anyway, back then black people weren’t supposed to have mental problems or commit suicide. lol.